Styles of Submission.

Ella and I were talking last night about our D/s dynamic. We have an idiosyncratic arrangement. It’s a 24/7 lifestyle in that I am always dominant in our sex life, and I decide when we are playing. I can order her to do what I choose, when I choose, and she does it. As we say, she does what she’s told; I get what I want. That’s our agreement.

But in practice, we don’t do high protocol service slavery and I don’t take control of many things that neither of us are particularly interested in incorporating into our dynamic. Finances. Exercise. Work. Diet. These are things Ella is perfectly good at managing for herself, and I have no desire to manage for her. Frankly, she’s better at some of those than I am.

So we’ve carved out a style of dominance and submission that works for us. In discussing it last night, I realized that I have never punished her for disobedience. Ella has followed, or attempted to follow, every order I’ve ever given her. She doesn’t disobey in order to manipulate me. She doesn’t act the brat in order to try to top from the bottom, picking and choosing when she receives discipline. She’s truly into service and obedience.

It’s utterly refreshing. While I sometimes have to correct her service, in order to mold it to perfection, so that she serves me precisely as we both want her to, I never have to assert my dominance in order to “put her in her place”. She’s not defiant or oppositional. When she wants more severe discipline, instead of acting out in hopes that I correct her with a severe punishment, she simply asks for it.

Last week, she begged me: “I want you to gag me, and torture me, and use me for your pleasure.” And I did. Though now that I think about it, I think I forgot the gag. But I bound her arms behind her back, tied a very tight crotch rope, and then spent fifteen minutes spanking her with the crop, my belt, and a hairbrush. Then, I made her come with the hitachi. Then I repeated the process. Her ass remained sore for days. She wept and wriggled and cried as I punished her ass mercilessly.

And when I was satisfied, she served me with her mouth and her cunt, and made her master come in the manner he’s accustomed to.

-The Refined Dominant

A Delightful Saturday.

This weekend Ella and I cooked dinner together. She’s a bit better in the kitchen than I am, but I’m certainly no slouch. The cold weather called for a hearty meal, so I made a spicy turkey chili. And Ella was charged with making the cornbread from scratch to go along with it. Naturally, I had to make it a challenge for her.

 

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Binding her hands made for an enjoyable baking session as she struggled to prepare the dish. I kept interrupting her, as well, ordering her to her knees to suck my cock while I worked on the chili, and making her lick the sliced stem of the jalapeño pepper. Eventually, I decided that even the wrist hobble was not enough, and decided she needed a more invasive impediment.

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I gave her a few smart strokes with my palm to redden her cheeks, and eased our new string of silicone beads into her tight little ass. Unable to wait for dinner, while the cornbread baked I ate my little slave’s cunt while extracting and reintroducing the hard little beads into her ass. It wasn’t long before she begged me to fuck her. And when I did, she climaxed volcanically beneath me.

Dinner was excellent. And after, we reposed in the bath, master and slave, lovers.

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– The Refined Dominant

Her Request Granted.

My Ella was indeed allowed to masturbate to orgasm. She was required to do so with a finger up her ass, and only after begging and offering up willing acceptance of various torments in order to receive permission. Already, for failure to send me a photograph on Saturday, she has earned ten cane strokes. Now she has purchased more severe session indeed.

This is not a punishment, of course. She did not climax without permission. But the result is the same. She begged me to use the sauce, in exchange for the right to masturbate. And I will. She is going to be bound, caned, and then I will apply hot sauce to her vulva. I warned her ahead of time, I only have very hot sauces at the moment. The habañero is the milder sauce.

And then, while her sweet little pussy burns, reminding her of the price of her satisfaction, she will suck me off, and swallow my ejaculate. To remind her that she is the vessel of my pleasure, and required to serve and suffer at my pleasure. Whether that is deprivation, or torment. I intend to make her tortures severe enough that she thinks carefully before requesting a rogue orgasm again.

Her pleasure, like her body, belongs to me. I own it. I own her. And I intend to make her swoon with agony and submission.

-The Refined Dominant

On Domination.

At the surface, being a dominant appears to be utterly luxurious. Endless sexual authority. Limitless pleasure. In my relationship with Ella, she is required to serve to my every pleasure, at any time of my choosing. She is required to do this regardless of her own pleasure or convenience. My pleasure is paramount. Hers inconsequential. Attending to my satisfaction is her first rule. She is required to observe it at all times without considering her own. My desires are served, when I want, where I want, how I want.

But a dominant who exercises this authority to maximize his own pleasure and be inconsiderate of his slave’s needs will likely not long remain dominant over that slave. We must merely recognize that attending to a slave’s needs looks different from attending to each other’s needs in a relationship that does not feature power exchange. It does not require less consideration of the slave’s feelings and desires. It’s just that that consideration is orthogonal to the kind of consideration required between normal couples.

When I deprive my Ella of pleasure (We have established now that she never has orgasms unless I specifically direct it. Sometimes, weeks go by between her climaxes.) I do so because the deprivation is meaningful to both of us. It accentuates my authority and her submission. When I do finally take her over the edge, her shuddering ecstasy is delightful.

Being a good dominant requires me to delay my own satisfaction considerably. If all our interactions were about Ella quickly making me come, and then it was over, she would rapidly tire of the arrangement, I imagine. By delaying my own satisfaction, I elongate her service. I develop our intimacy. Domination requires creativity: what tasks must she accomplish to satisfy me? What are the punishments if she fails? What can she endure, and how can I enhance her submission, her suffering, her devotion?

My goal as Ella’s master is bring her the kind of sexual satisfaction she craves. The relational intimacy she needs. Because we are who we are, this entails punishment, deprivation, service. Last week, Ella used the last of the toilet paper and did not replace the roll. I brought her into the bathroom, showed it to her, and then spanked her ass several times with my open hand. I’m sure that will be enough. She’s very diligent about lessons. But if I need to escalate, I will.

But domination is, let me be clear, thoroughly indulgent. I receive my pleasure. When and how I desire. And I know my Ella wouldn’t have it any other way. And when her delicate little tongue flickers over my perineum I am reminded of just how good it is to be in charge.

A Few Little Ideas.

Tragically, the play party we intended to go to when last we posted here was cancelled. I shall have to wait until another to punish my Ella in public. Rest assured, she received every stroke of the cane she had earned. Just, privately. So, in order to plan for the next play party and make a public spectacle of her corrections, I need to arrange for her to earn a few new punishments. This has me thinking. Ideas for her accrual:

1) Hang a bell from her collar. Bind her hands behind her. Order her to make the bed. Every time the bell rings, she earns a stroke.

2) Forbid her from touching the floor with the soles of her feet. Order her to prepare dinner barefoot. Any time the bottom of her foot touches the kitchen tile, two strokes.

3) Hogtie her – tightly but imperfectly – in rope. Order her to escape. A stroke for each minute it takes her.

4) Require her to squat, clenching a lubricated insertable within her for five minutes. Each time it slips,  she earns two strokes.

Games such as these are excellent means of minor humiliations. And humiliations invariably leave my darling Ella dripping wet and begging for release. And this of course, is one method I can use to nearly guarantee she earns a punishment:

5) Bind her effectively. Lock  her knees apart with a spreader bar. And press the Hitachi Magic Wand against her defenseless vulva. Forbid her to climax. Ten strokes if she does.

I do like this last one a great deal. First, it is a near certain means of her earning punishment. She cannot resist the Hitachi often. Second, once she has come, application of the Hitachi to her clitoris is pure torture. She begs. She cries. She whimpers. And she suffers. Because I am relentless. And then I get to punish her disobedience.

The next play party is coming soon. And I’m continuing to dream up ways I can arrange for her to accrue punishments. Always, of course, with some way for her to avoid the punishment. Even if it is extraordinarily unlikely. After all. I am her master. Which means that I get what I want.

– The Refined Dominant

A Planned Reprimand.

This weekend Ella and I will be attending another play party. It’s an exciting event in a downtown loft-style space. There will be access to equipment we don’t have at home, and another opportunity to see how others in the community play. And to expand on our own exploration of our sexuality, and Ella’s submission to my will. And so this time, for the first time, we plan to play a little, and not just observe. At the last party, other than displaying Ella in her corset and stockings, and pinching her nipples a bit while still concealed in the tight embrace of lace and steel. But for this one, we have plans.

I informed Ella early this week that any punishments she accrues during the week will be administered at the party. And she promptly failed to provide her required picture. It’s delightful that she’s so eager to endure punishments and humiliations for our pleasure. Ordinarily, the penalty for her failure would be ten strokes of the cane. But I may switch to the crop, and a few more strokes, to make the packing arrangements for the party a little less inconvenient. And the cane I reprimand her with is light and plastic. I don’t want to risk damaging it. I do so love snapping it against her succulent little ass and the backs of her thighs.

And so she will be bound to a stocks, or a St. Andrew’s Cross, and I will mete out her punishment in full view of the other attendants. All will see, and hear, as she counts out the strokes, and confesses her breach of duty. As she apologizes and admits she owes her master greater fealty. I’ve come up with a few more tasks she must complete before Saturday, and her date with the inevitable correction. I’m hoping she will commit some infractions, so that I might draw out and linger over the task of the punishment. After all, displaying my slave, and exhibiting my mastery of her for all to see, that is a reward for me. And receiving my punishment gracefully in front of the throng, and then my praise for her elegance under duress? That will be her reward.

-The Refined Dominant

Where She Belongs.

Recently I had the prodigious pleasure of spending a weekend with my Ella in a luxury hotel downtown in a great American city. The tragedy of traveling is, of course, that I am reluctant to bring the various accoutrements of pleasure and pain that we so enjoy. I am forced to improvise. Ella had once again failed to send the required picture and thus had a punishment due. As I was unable to bring the cane, I instructed her to propose and justify an alternative punishment. Her response:

Dear Sir,

To attend to my oversight, I propose, as equivalent to 10 strokes with the cane, 7 strokes with the belt. Your belt will be an implement you have on hand, and we have established that the belt ranks above the cane for dispensing pain. I further propose an additional 3 strokes with the belt to account for the inconvenience of not being able to make use of the cane. Thus I suggest 10 strokes with your belt as fitting punishment this weekend.

Sincerely,

Your Elegant Submissive

I concurred with her proposal. Ella was traveling for work, and so when I arrived, she was finely dressed in her business wear. Ella is astonishingly beautiful in anything, and in business wear she is resplendent. And it is a pleasing fetish of mine to have her submissive and humiliated in her elegant and refined suits. As soon as we entered the hotel room, I bent her over the bed, and pulled down her pencil skirt. I stripped off my belt and bade her count her strokes. Before the first, I bent down over her and growled in her ear:

“Tell me why you’re being punished.”

“Because I failed to send you the picture as I am required to.”

“That’s right. You are required to send me a picture, every day we are apart, of yourself. Naked. Submissive. What’s the punishment for failure?”

“Ten strokes of the cane, sir.”

“And because we are unable to use the cane?”

“Seven strokes of the belt, with an additional three for your inconvenience, sir.”

“That’s right. Count your strokes.”

I ensured the belt would be worse than the cane. On the third stroke, she gasped in pain and nearly couldn’t count the stroke as the lacquered leather tip of the belt snapped cruelly against her labia. Her suffering was occasioned by no mercy. Each of the ten strokes was meted out against the smooth curve of her cream-colored ass. When I was finished, I stripped her bare, and stood her up.

“What do you say, slave?”

“Thank you for punishing me, sir.”

“And how does a slave thank her master for her punishment?”

“By sucking his cock.”

“By sucking his cock.” I insinuated my belt back around my waist, and pushed Ella to her knees, where she belongs.

Ella2– The Refined Dominant